Another Goodbye.

After my shift ended, on December 23rd, we loaded our mini van and headed east. The plan was to stay overnight somewhere near Des Moines and then make it to Illinois by lunchtime on Christmas Eve.

We've made this trip so many times, we now have family traditions geared around this drive. Our van is now called, 'the polar express' and the kids' know, on this night, we eat junk food for dinner while they watch Christmas DVDs and then stay in a hotel.

The trip went smooth and connecting with family, in Illinois, was life-giving.

Before leaving CO, we took out van into a local shop and asked them to run diagnostics to make sure everything was safe and working for the cross-country trip. They cleaned some things up, charged us $70, and sent us home. *start horror film music right now

On the 3rd day of our vacation, we heard a new noise from under the hood. We made it safely to my parents' home and my dad took it to a shop in town. Then we got a call, the van died 2 blocks from the house. My dad was ok, but after a day of waiting on updates from a very good and very busy mechanic, we found out our beloved van was not worth fixing.

This type of experience could have ruined us if we did not have the support system we have in our family and friends. We felt the financial sting of needing to find another vehicle. We felt the shame adults often put on themselves whenever something isn't perfect. We felt embarrassed that this happened while we were on vacation.

In the end, we bought a new (to us) vehicle and the only one hurt by this experience was our savings account.

We were surprised by how sad all 3 of our kids were when we told them the van was gone. Two of them were physically shaken by it. After taking some time to listen and process the situation from their perspective, I think I understand.

The van was one of the last pieces of our old life. It was a piece of security and comfort. It was a piece of home that we didn't leave in Sioux Falls (or any other place we have called home).

Understanding this brought the 5 of us closer together. Becky and I had focussed primarily on the financial loss of the situation but our kids reminded us to remember the emotional loss as well.

Life is full of goodbyes and we have so much to be thankful for.

The memories in that van were not all wonderful, until now.

Rest In Peace, Polar Express.

Years from now, when this church is fully alive and we have moved on from this current chapter, I hope one of my (then) teenage kids brings up this trip and that old van. I can see us laughing about it and recalling what it was like to go to the pick up our personal belongings out of that dead van and then, say goodbye.

I'm thankful for the miracle of community to turn sad goodbyes into beautiful memories.

- Jared